MEGAN THE VEGAN (Heazlewood)

Megan the vegan doesn’t like meat
Megan the vegan doesn’t like me
Megan the vegan you’re looking kind of pale
Megan the vegan watch out for that snail

You need eggs in your legs
Honey in your tummy
Cheese in your knees
And more milk from your mummy

Megan the vegan she’d behead a lettuce
Megan the vegan she’d skin a banana alive
Megan the vegan she’s not cobbers with the corn
Megan the vegan she’ll eat your front lawn

You need eggs in your legs
Honey in your tummy
Cheese in your knees
And more milk from your mummy

Megan I know we didn’t get along that well during our three months living together cos you were this underground, extremist, hardcore, edgy, hardcore, electro, clash slash type person in a renegade out there extremist noise collective called systems corrupt yeah go on look em up on google they’d love the publicity and I was just this unemployed folk musician trying to make my own way. And you know megan I did one thing, one thing to try and identify myself within the share house community, I put up my Beatles poster in the kitchen and I found out off one of your friends that you thought it was naff and you didn’t like it. Well that’s funny megan cos you know what I totally put up with your artistic stylised cartoon child porn in the bathroom. Weird little alice in wonderland type characters squatting in the forest and doing poos in a sexual manner. And I wish I was joking! And you brought home these science lab style (look I can ‘t even pronounce properly, this is my cd and I only get one take to do this and I’ve already taken way too long, anyway) You’d bring home science lab style taxidermed animals in clear plastic containers like weird rabbits and budgies and shit with eyeless sockets and I’d be trying to watch tv and eat tea and they’d be behind me and I knew If I ever said anything to you or complained you’d go ‘oh, look how offensive and shocking I am’ cos you loved the idea of that and you knew you’d offended and shocked me and you would have gone out and ordered in lots more artistic stylised child porn and science lab style taxidermed animals in clear plastic containers and put it all through the house, until you totally pushed me over the edge and I’d come home wearing a three piece suit made entirely of meat and I’d go c’mon megan Dance! Dance with me megan. Speaking of meat, did I mention I wasn’t allowed to eat that for like three months in my own home because of you? And you know what that does to your digestive system megan? It’s like putting leaded petrol in an unleaded petrol and my farts used to smell really rank and I used to run away from them and run away from you.

Megan the vegan you never asked me how my day was
Megan the vegan you probably don’t have the energy
Megan the vegan you’re a silly soy sausage
Megan megan vegan, soy soy soy.
Megan megan vegan soy soy soy
Mr t bone says ‘kill the tofu, kill the tofu, kill the tofu’ (x4)