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LspTopping – The Official Ezine Thing of The Bedroom Philosopher
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Issue 41 – Wednesday 1st June 2005
Estimated Reading Time: 8:20
Subscribers: 776
**’In Bed With My Doona’ is now available in shops otherpluckers!** (see news section)
or buy it now here cheekily: http://www.sanity.com.au/product.asp?intProductID=619414&intArtistID=205093

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LT BIRTHDAYS!
Happy Birthday Deborah Harry 60 today!
Happy Birthday Jason Donovan 37 today!

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OPENING CEREMONY, with Justin.

CURRENT STATS:

It’s: 11:34pm
I’m drinking: Cask chardonnay.
My hair Needs work.
Pimples: are popping up, little ones (stress?)
I am: defiantly night optimistic

Hello my dear, dear and welcome to another instalment of my organic digital lasertreat! I for each and every one of you and hope that you find sliver-pulses of grin-flaring, peace-strutting, joy-soaking, plan-installing, emotional-jig-evoking life blood coursing through the luxuriously pink and structurally sound index finger that clicked you to me in your cheeky glimpse through the universe’s bus window of existence. Hot regards, Justin xx.

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REQUEST ‘IN BED WITH MY DOONA’ ALBUM IN SHOPS MISSION-A GOGO

HOW TO PUT ‘Public Relations for The Bedroom Philosopher’ on your CV or Centrelink form in 8 simple steps.

Step 1 – Go to a record store. (or ring up a record store)

Step 2 – Ask if they have ‘In Bed With My Doona’ by The Bedroom Philosopher. If they are saucy, flirt with them in your own ridiculously subtle way even though you know it’s futile.

Step 3 – If they do. Say ‘hooray.’ And buy it if you want. If not say ‘can you order that in?’

Step 4 – Get them to order it in (this may involve you giving them details – if you are really shy or sheepish give them my number and I will pretend to be you)

Step 5 – Run away and hide under the bed.

Step 6 – If, down the track they ring you up and you don’t intend to buy it. Hang up, and run away and hide under the bed.

Step 7 – Tell your friends and stuff.

Step 8 – Make yourself a happy tea cake and eat it in front of a mirror while listening to 70’s funk.

BONUS AREA’S OF P.R. YOU CAN HELP WITH.

I am making promotional album posters. If you think you would be able to put some of them up in record stores and other nifty areas, please let me know.
I am trying to plan a national tour. If you live in Brisbane, Adelaide, Darwin, Alice Springs or New York and know a bit about cool venues to play, please email me. If you live in other areas and know a bit about the in’s and out’s of such an endeavour or have some groovy contacts etc. – anything, of any value or level will be heartily yayed!
(Please note: At the end of the day, all thing’s considered – I don’t really know what I’m doing)

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ON THIS DAY IN 1993 (A reading from my grade seven diary)

“Got up at 4.00am (no joke!) Merle and Chris picked us up and we went off to Stanley. We caught (me and mum) 2 trevally and 2 mullet! They tasted great for tea that night. Came home. Didn’t do much. Bye man.”

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A WORD PAINTS 1/1000 OF A PICTURE

“A living is made by selling something everybody needs at least once a year. And a million is made by producing something that everybody needs every day. You artists produce something nobody needs at any time.”
Thornton Wilder, The Matchmaker.

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TOP 5 WORKING TITLES FOR “KILL BILL”

1. Maim Wayne
2. Ice Bryce
3. Nail Gail
4. Decapitate Kate
5. Shoot Gruut (Norweigan)
6. Delimb Jim
7. Murder Joerder (German)
8. Injure Ninja (I’m struggling)
9. Slaughter Porter
10. Fatally Kick Mick (I give up)

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LAPTOPPING IN-ANIMATE OBJECT BEREAVEMENTS NOTICES
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*****
SICK
*****
From Carly Heazlewood of Burnie, Tasmania.

“Mildred the electric frypan was tragically taken from us on Saturday 5/2/05, after only 3 years in operation. Mildred went out with a bang, causing a short-circuit which resulted in a respectful (if involuntary) moment of silence from the TV and fridge. We hooked her up to the multimeter hoping to see some sign of life, but in the end we had to
accept that Mildred was gone.

Mildred is survived by her loyal cupboard-mate George (the George Foreman
Health Grill).

Penne Boscaiola will never taste the same again.

Rob & Carly.

** **** *** ***** ********** *************
WE PRAY FOR THEIR RECALIBRATION
** **** *** ***** ********** *************

Do you have an inanimate object that is ailing or has passed on? Let the LapTopping community ease your suffering by emailing Bev: laptopping@bedroomphilosopher.com

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LET’S GET METAPHYSICAL!
A moment with Kerry, the metaphysical drummer.

One
Christmas
I
Fell
Face
Down
A
Flight
Of
Bumblebees

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HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAPPY!(TM)
(said quickly – high affectation on last ‘happy’)

In this age of treason we get by with a little yelp from our friends.

From the ribaldically vivacious James Borman in Melbourne

1: Series 3 of Futurama. Not as laugh out loud as The Simpsons, but the relationship between Fry and Leela is very sweet.

2: “Touch me with your love”, by Beth Orton. The saddest, sexiest song ever

3: Fresh prawns with vodka dipping sauce. Nuff said

4: Realising you have a day off from work the week after xmas holidays end

5: My new blender. Anyone for cocktails?

(LapTopping wishes James good luck in getting on the new Sale of The Century. He has so far been a back up for one episode. He makes trivial pursuit look like snap.)

LapTopping accepts little responsibility for any nonplussment, disappointment, rejection or apathy experienced during a HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAP-HAPPY!(TM) endorsed activity. Submit your 5-point plan to the chortle portal.
(email Bev at laptopping@bedroomphilosopher.com with 5 things that make you happy)

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A GIGGLE OF GIGS

1st June (today….oh where’s the year gone Mildred – hello winter my old friend)
Doing a rare guitarless feature at Babble Spoken word Explosion. Bar Open – 317 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, Melbourne. $5 8:30pm night starts.

6th June – RENEGADES OF FOLK (Josh Earl and Myself) debut MCing stint at Melbourne’s leading interesting comedy night ‘The Local.’ Cnr Chapel & Carlisle street, St Kilda. 8:30pm kickoff $7. (this will be a ‘where were you when?’ gig. People will say ‘where were you when the renegades of folk were mcing the local, and you’ll say, at home, I was so tired… and they’ll say ‘me too…’ did you see denton? And it’ll go from there..’

9th June – North Melbourne Institute of Tafe daytime gig. Epping Campus. Cnr Cooper Street & Dalton Road Epping, Melbourne. 12pm start. (if anyone actually comes to this I will probably, in all seriousness, cash in my life insurance and arrange to meet and shout you for lunch for the rest of the year.)

NOTE: All gig information is probably incorrect at time of printing. For any additional information, or to discuss any matters that may effect your attendance at one of these life changing events please hesitate to contact the Bedroom Philosopher directly at justin@bedroomphilosopher.com
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LAYTOPING IS MISPELLED, AND FREE! WHAT A GREAT GIFT IDEA, AND IT’LL
CUT YOUR ENERGY BILLS IN HALF! SEND IT TO A FRIEND!
To be added to this Ezine email Bev in administration at:
laptopping@bedroomphilosopher.com
with your email details and the last time you cried.
Last time someone cried: “Dan – Looking through my bedroom window to see my teddy bear Mr Schnookems being molested & devoured by the next door neighbour’s Pomeranian.”
Back issues of LapTopping are still available.
To be removed from this Ezine reply with the subject line “Clarity starts at home”

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DISCOGRAPHY

• The Bedroom Philosopher’s Debut Studio Album ‘In Bed With My Doona’ is now available in all good and beige record stores near you!
• To be honest, about 5 copies of the soon to be disgustingly rare and e-bayable ‘Living on the edge…of my bed’ Bedroom Philosopher album released in 2002 are left in my room. If you would like a copy, I reckon you might want to order one NOW Pooglet!

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IMPORTANT

The pollops transmitted are for the ukulele of the intended showbag
only and may slurp confidential and/or legally privileged burpflakes.
Any review, retransmission, reheating, defrosting, stir-frying, disclosure, novelty hat-wearing, or other use of, or raking in sandals in reliance upon, this ghetto blasting pirouetting microcosm of solidified destiny fluff by persons or cauldrons other than the intended showbag is prohiwibble and may result in Rove’s child. If you have received this e-mail in error then please go to the nearest cinema complex and attempt to buy $10 worth of harmonica lessons with a pair of supermarket stockings and delete all copies of this universe together with any reincarnations. Do not try this in an igloo. Alcohol, illegal drugs, poisons, sharp objects and unprescribed medications are not good band names. If in doubt, consult the inner child you covered over with years of peer pressure and glorified media expectations. Poon yon keyring little moonscout.
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